Channel: Garfunkel And Oates

Category: Comedy

Tags: garfunkel and oateskate micucciukelelecomedy bandlove songriki lindhomecomedy musicgarfunkelcomedy songoates50/50feminist

Description: A feminist love song. LYRICS VERSE ONE: Close your eyes, make a wish, picture your perfect woman Now open your eyes and forget about her cause I’m here and I’m not it And before we go any further There’s a few things I’d like to admit I’m a self-absorbed workaholic My mind is always divided My schedule is erratic, just like my thoughts I’m easily depressed or overly excited whoo! I can’t do anything around the house If you want food you gotta cook it yourself And if we stop having sex, I will leave I have friends that give me everything else I’ve got goals and dreams and aspirations I’ve got shit to do I’m not gonna change all my plans Just to be with you Yeah we’re a perfect couple If you’re totally comfortable being alone We’ll always be together If it’s cool that I’m never home If you like overcompensation for boundless insecurity This is where it’s at And if you notice I’ve been talking about myself this whole time Well, get ready for more of that And I’m like look at me look at me watch me watch me listen to me listen to this what do you think tell me the truth compliments only please Oh man you really get me CHORUS: I’m gonna make your dreams come true As long as they don’t interfere with mine I’ll always be here for you For methodically allotted amounts of time I’ll be there to hold your hand If I happen to be in town And any time you need me There’s a 50/50 chance I’ll be around I know this all sounds bad But you know what else is true Every word that I just said Could have also been describing you Yes every word that I just said Could have also been describing you VERSE TWO: You just don’t feel don’t feel bad about it It’s never even occurred to you To not go after all the things You’ve ever wanted to You weren’t subconsciously conditioned To give up your dreams for me Or that loved and ambitious Were mutually exclusive things to be It probably didn’t cross your mind That your mom had goals too That had nothing to do with getting married And nothing to do with having you Can we stop pretending That it isn’t kind of sad That your mom never pursued anything With the same intensity as your dad And right now you’re thinking Not my mom, that was her decision Okay, sure, but all our moms That’s what they all envisioned So therefore… CHORUS CODA: Look I’ll meet you halfway there But I can’t give you more than that And know it’s not as sweet of a deal As every man ever before you had All I want is 50/50 All I want is half And if those numbers seem off to you Why? It doesn’t mean I won’t be your partner It doesn’t mean I won’t come through It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person It just means I’m the same as you So if you’re looking for an equal you found it But if want someone better than you, try again Cause I only have what it takes to be man I’ve never had what it takes to be a woman