Channel: Garfunkel And Oates

Category: Comedy

Tags: garfunkel and oateskate micucciriki lindhomecomedy musiccomedygarfunkeloatesboth sides can laugh

Description: LYRICS: Everyone once in a while you meet a special kind man A needle in a haystack, a diamond in a pile of shit A man who’s never written music but thinks he can A republican crypto currency guy like Dan Thank you, digital accountant Dan For explaining how to write a song I wouldn’t have known to choose a topic Before you, you, Dan, you came along Thanks for telling me to write down my thoughts And send them all to you So you can make sure it doesn’t offend The conservative point of view You say it’s time to pop my liberal bubble And reach across the aisle Find levity in relatable things That can make the red and blue states smile Because comedy should be inclusive And connect with the other half It should make us all feel comfortable So both sides can laugh Well, I’m going to take your advice, computer Dan And write something bipartisan So here’s my song VERSE 1: Don’t you hate it when you’re liberal and you’re stuck in traffic Now I’m late for my big meeting Don’t you hate it when you’re conservative and your inlaws are here Oh brother what’s your mother gonna say Don’t you hate it when you’re liberal and you lose your glasses How can I find my glasses without my glasses Or when you’re a conservative and your gun control policies enable constant, senseless, devastating mass shootings Isn’t it great when both sides can laugh Hahahahahahaha We’re really not that different We should come together as one With easy, pleasing, breezy jokes You know comedy can just be fun CHORUS: So let’s all get together And embrace the other half With this song Where both sides can laugh VERSE TWO: Don’t you hate it when you’re liberal and a song’s in your head Maureen I’m not a theater person Or when you’re conservative and your podcast won’t load It’ll only play an ad from blue apron Don’t you hate when you’re liberal and you can’t stop crying Boo hoo I want civil rights Or when you’re conservative and your pussy grabbing liar threatens nuclear annihilation on twitter Isn’t it great when both sides can laugh Hahahahahahaha In this time of political turmoil I should ignore it and be polite It’s more comfortable for all of us If I don’t pick between left and wrong CHORUS: So let’s all get together And embrace the other half With this song Where both sides can laugh BRIDGE: If I want a ceasefire to transpire Stop preaching to the whining lefty choir Embrace the climate change denier Give every joke a qualifier With harmless, responsible comedy Where we all feel good about our choices That recognizes everyone As equally valid political voices Comedians should be on the medians And put a premium on obedience Be through with mental acuity Find unity through ambiguity All this complaining and exaggerating Is actually just exacerbating The futility and hypocrisy Of the left wing aristocracy Let go of the same old blue shtick Stop trying to skew shit I sound like a mouthy shrew chick Acoustic music isn’t psychotherapeutic I need to get a clue quick If I want to accrue new YouTube clicks Subdue this taboo shit I spew Find a new, more palatable point of view Well you underestimated me Cause I don’t look like the enemy My tentacles are venom-y A musical comedy sea anemone But I should say it’s okay That no matter the cost, you want your little pistol And it’s fine that voted for Voldemort As long as your reasons were purely fiscal Oh, you’re just greedy, I didn’t realize, that’s fine CHORUS: So let’s all get together And embrace the other half With this song Where both sides can laugh CODA: What do you think, Dan, how did I do I can’t believe I used to write songs that had point of view Being general’s always better for comedy it’s true Thank god for you, Dan, thank only Christian god for you