Channel: piddleass

Category: People & Blogs

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Description: Hi there! This description may get a little deep and long (heh) but just bear with me if you read it. I've had body dysmorphia for quite a while. I didn't start having it affect me until I was about 15, when I hit puberty. My family always praised my mom for being so skinny, and they always praised me for being so skinny. Then, puberty hit. I started gaining weight (healthy weight, I was growing from 5' to 5'3, getting hips, etc). NO ONE TOLD ME YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GAIN WEIGHT. I thought something was wrong with me. My "friends" would comment on what I ate. They'd tell me if I worked out more, I'd lose the weight. I began to panic because instead of a 00 size jean, I needed a size 2 (both are so incredibly tiny). I didn't know what was happening was supposed to happen. As I got older, 17-18, I REALLY got hit by puberty. I got booba, hips, thighs. And I panicked. Instead of size 2 jeans, it was now 6. When people told me I was attractive, I thought they were making fun of me. Everyone else had my whole life, why would this be any different? And then we have the last 10 years of me being recorded and put on the internet for the world to see. People have commented on my weight relentlessly throughout the years. I even apparently had pregnancy rumors going around because I did gain weight at one point, but it was because I was drinking (responsibly!!) a lot at parties (RESPONSIBLY!!). I'm physically very strong and fit right now, and I only know that because of what I'm capable of at the gym. But when I look in the mirror, it just...morphs. When I see pictures of myself I'm like "wait what??? My legs don't look that toned??". It's also hard seeing soo many people now with plastic surgery and people expecting everyone to look as good as them. For instance, I am proud of my booty work outs. However there's people saying I have a flat butt or there's nothing there. Which is like, ok yeah trolls. But at the same time, it's people like the Kardashians who make this insane beauty standard that just isn't real. They can't even uphold it themselves, they photoshop their own photos even though they have plastic surgery! It's just hard to feel comfortable now, especially when you're not even sure you're seeing yourself right in the mirror. There's this huge pressure put on people sometimes, and I think yall are incredibly understanding about it. But me to myself? It's a bit hard. So, I got some clothes to try and see if maybe, just maybe. It'd shut my brain up. While filming this, I did struggle with a handful of the outfits. Editing it was less hard, but still rough. Just remember, sometimes even if someone seems to have it all together or whatever, they have their own insecurities and issues inside too. We need more honesty and kindness in the world I think. Thank you for reading this massive description, I don't think I've ever written one this long LOL Check out my Socials below! kaitlinwitcher.carrd.co