Channel: MovieNight

Category: Film & Animation

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Description: • Planet Of The Apes (2001) - An insult to its namesake, and a wholly pointless remake, 3/10. WATCH full episodes of "Movie Night" -- bit.ly/JogJPMN READ my un-filmed reviews / scripts: bit.ly/JPMNNotFilmed FOLLOW me on Letterboxd to see what I'm watching / rating: bit.ly/JonLetterboxd ~~ Movie Night ~~ Your host, and film critic Jonathan Paula reviews everything from opening day releases, recent DVDs, upcoming trailers, and classics from years past. Each "Quick Review" is an excerpt from a full episode, which airs on the Jogwheel channel every week. ~~ Watch More Reviews ~~ Browse By Year ----- bit.ly/MNYear Browse By Rating --- bit.ly/MNRating Trailer Reviews ------- bit.ly/MNTrailers ~~ Other Channels ~~ Jogwheel (Main channel) --- bit.ly/Jogwheel Jon's World (2nd channel) -- bit.ly/JonWorld The Microwave Show --------- bit.ly/TMSArchive uStream Live Shows ---------- bit.ly/JogLive ~~ Social Media & Merch ~~ Twitter ---------------------------- bit.ly/JonTW Facebook ----------------------- bit.ly/JonFBFan Instagram ----------------------- bit.ly/JonInsta Patreon -------------------------- bit.ly/JonPatreon Letterboxd ---------------------- bit.ly/JonLetterboxd T-Shirts -------------------------- bit.ly/JogStore ~~ Credits ~~ Created by ------ Jonathan Paula Camera ---------- Panasonic HMC-150 Microphone ----- Sennheiser ME 66 Software --------- Adobe Premiere Pro CC 2015 Computer ------- bit.ly/JonPaulaPC • Jogwheel Productions © 2017 • ~~ Truncated Script ~~ Should have left well enough alone. Released in the summer of 2001 - this $100 million dollar sci-fi action film is another ambitious mistake from director Tim Burton - which somehow managed more than a quarter-billion in profit. When an Air Force astronaut crash lands on a mysterious planet he inadvertently inspires a revolution between primitive humans and their talking-ape masters. A baby-faced Marky-Mark Wahlberg leads the group as best he can, but he's drastically out of his depth in this big budget adventure - reciting corny one-liners like, "Never send a monkey to do a man's job." and, "I'm going to go get my chimp." Tim Roth portrays a sinister chimpanzee military villain - who spends most of his time shouting angrily or jumping around the set like some amped-up parkour artist. It wouldn't be a Tim Burton film without an appearance from his longtime partner Helena Bonham Carter, so she's here, playing an overly sexualized chimp, to boot. She develops a somewhat romantic relationship with Wahlberg that's not only unsettling, but largely unearned. Michael Clarke Duncan appears as a giant gorilla, and Paul Giamatti is a meek little orangutan... because of course they are. Elsewhere Estella Warren and Kris Kristofferson are wasted as totally superfluously human-characters that have literally zero purpose. And last but not least, is original "Apes" star Chalrton Heston - who's uncredited single scene cameo is actually pretty cool... even though you'd hardly know it was him if not for a familiar line of dialogue. Despite its rushed production - the PG-13 rated film doest boast some particularly excellent make-up, costumes, and more naturalistic ape-moment. And from a technical standpoint the 119 minute film is competently shot, and well edited. A few neat action sequences might impress younger audiences, but most of the material here has been broached in better ways in better films. ... The fact that humans can talk (and the apes are aware they can) completely undercuts the de-evolution implications of earlier movies. Relocating the titular world to a non-Earth planet hollows out the entire conceit that made the original series so powerful, replaced instead with a tired time travel plot ripped straight from an episode of "Star Trek". Spoiler alert here: In an attempt to preserve the memorable twist-ending of the original film, the screenwriters foolishly concocted a new conclusion - which sees Wahlberg traveling back to a present-day version of Earth in which all humans have been directly substituted for Apes. It makes less sense than tits on a bull, and thanks to this picture's deservedly poor reviews - will never be explained in a sequel. Whereas the Statue Of Liberty reveal remains one of the best endings in the history of science fiction, this Lincoln Memorial moment is almost certainly the worst. Fans of Burton's trademark style might appreciate the film's visual aesthetic - but unless you're an "Apes" completionist - this film is definitely one you should skip. "Planet Of The Apes" is an insult to its namesake, and a wholly pointless remake and a very LAME film. ~