Channel: Ashley Alban

Category: People & Blogs

Tags: ashley albanashleyalbandomestic abuserelationshipsabusestorytimetoxic relationshipssuicidedomestic violenceashleyalban94relationship

Description: The main reason I created a YouTube channel after considering it for years was because I wanted to talk about toxic and abusive relationships. They are unfortunately too common and do not discriminate based on age, gender, race, or social class. By talking about this subject openly, I hope that I can help reduce the stigma and shame surrounding it and foster more awareness and discussion. Yes, this is a very personal and difficult story to tell, but I am not ashamed. I was able to leave, and I want others to know that they are not alone in their experiences and they can also move on successfully. I decided that the best starting point for this discussion would be for me to tell my own story. This is a long story, and I can't go into every detail, so I have split the story into four parts: how we met, how things started to go awry, when it became truly abusive, and how I eventually left. This is the story of how I left. It took me three tries before I successfully left him. I'm including the two failed attempts because it's pretty common for people to go back to an abusive partner, for a variety of reasons. It's normal for people to have difficulty breaking out of the manipulation and the false sense of security the relationship provides. In the past I beat myself up a lot about getting back together with him, but I have since forgiven myself. The first time I had a great opportunity to leave, but immaturity and anger prevented me from doing it. It wasn't until about two years later after a particularly frightening episode that I knew I needed to leave in order to survive. That time I planned my escape secretly and left while he was at work. That was an amazingly freeing experience for me. It was scary, but I planned, prepared and left successfully. But as I explain in the video, even if you leave safely, it's necessary for you to either have a strong support system or to be confidently and financially independent. I didn't have either of those things. I was still isolated and I wasn't confident being alone as a webcam model. So, we got back together. A year after that (March 2016) it was apparent he was still the same person. I was furious with myself for wasting another year. But during the past 9 months I built up a successful porn business that I was proud of. I was more confident being alone even though I still didn't have a solid support system. It took some time but I finally told him I wanted a divorce and didn't go back on what I said. This time I didn't leave in a dramatic fashion since my safety wasn't as much of a concern. I was super patient and firm with him moving out and getting a job to support himself. It wasn't exciting, and it took two terrible months, but he finally left. He didn't even fight me on the divorce. I think when you leave a partner who is abusive but not necessarily violent, you have to be calm and firm so they decide they want out of the relationship on their own. If they are no longer being enabled and getting the satisfaction they had being in control, they won't fight you about staying. This was definitely the hardest video of the series. I decided to include more detail about the last violent episode we had because I want others to feel like it's ok to talk about it if they have had similar experiences. It's difficult to retell this story though, which shows by the end of this video because I pretty much just gloss over when I finally left. This series is just about my story. I will make a video going into more depth about steps/tips for leaving. Resource for domestic abuse: thehotline.org 1-800-799-7233 Twitter - twitter.com/Ashleyalban94 Instagram - instagram.com/ash.ley.alban Patreon - patreon.com/ashleyalban Music: Ghost Processional by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (creativecommons.org/licenses/...) Source: incompetech.com/music/royalty-... Artist: incompetech.com