Channel: Annabelle Gao

Category: People & Blogs

Tags: art studioday in my lifehow toprojectswhats in my bagartistcozydaily vlogsday in the lifepolecutelifefirst timeartist in new yorkdiycaliforniatimes squareshoppinglife of an influencerpole dancevlogmaspole dance 101chit chatfriendshomevloggerexploringcatserrandsberkeleycafenew york cityfabric storevlogbeing the scenesfirst timers

Description: 💌 open for a letter dear friend, tonight is christmas eve, and i'm feeling many things. blessed to be home. super sore from pole class yesterday. kind of craving a sugary snack. and also appreciating my clean hair i washed last night hoho. i just have to say... coming home has always been a little bit nerve-inducing for me. i realize that being around your family gets many people more emotional/and you feel more vulnerable as well. surrounded by those who you have such a deep history with, reminding you of both the beauty of growing up, the negative traumatic memories, as well as the loss of everything that has changed since so and so years ago. for the past year, returning home would mean around day 3 i hit a hard depression because i didn't know how to handle my dad's illness to the extent i have grown to now. for those of you asking, he is doing well still- as well as he can! he is in hospice care, and we are all grateful that he could spend everyday with us at home. so, in the past, i would tell myself- spend as much time as you can with him! yet at home, i found myself drained and very low, and scared to be in his presence or think of him suffering. on top of that, i get really guilty that i've come all this way home, just to be locked up in my room. therapy has, for one, taught me to never use "should"s anymore. should only destroys, and leaves no room for growth. instead, i focus on what i want to happen, and try to move about in the world with love and gratitude. so i guess this is a little side note of extra appreciation and happiness i have. i really enjoyed sitting with my dad all morning in his room, feeling at peace. and i think in turn, he has felt the transformation within me as well, and is less worried about what will happen to me after he passes. to everybody who has lost a loved one, or has a loved one battling a chronic/terminal illness, my heart is truly with you. you are so strong- it takes strength to choose to see the beauty and the happiness and the hope despite everything else out of our control. love, annabelle 🦋my ONLINE SHOP- pyperbleu.com instagram: @pyperbleu and @pyperbleucollective FT some of these things---- pink sweats- bit.ly/pinksweatset *green coat- go.magik.ly/ml/1d0wf (wearing size XS) white ivy book- go.magik.ly/ml/1drlr or amzn.to/32sDr17 some things i still can't tell you (poetry book)- go.magik.ly/ml/1drls or amzn.to/3Ja8H5A 🍔UBER EATS discount code - $20 off order of $25+ eats-annabelleg103ue ✿ if u enjoy these videos and want to support the making of them, find me on patreon~ patreon.com/pyperbleu Music- Licensed from: share.mscbd.fm/pyperbleu FTC- not a sponsored video. some links are affiliate links, and products marked with (*) are kindly gifted to me by brands.